Scared. last time someone tried to talk me into they said it tastes like tapioca and i projectiled onto a closed window
I just made a milkshake without a blender... thats determination
TRUE LIFE: my roommate is growing a bush.
better yet, TRUE LIFE: my roommates boyfriend begged her to grow a bush.
You found Muppets From Space a little too intense, so you just sorta sat on the ground and stared at the wall plug for an hour and a half.
CANT TOUCH THIS JUST CAME ON MY IPOD. LOVE STEVE JOBS
Oh my god! She wrote the word ''hi'' in HAIR on the shower wall. What the fuck?!
I need to stop having one night stands with guys in my building so I can have someone to borrow milk from without it being awkward
A piece of cheeseburger just fell between my tits. Consider this a "wish you were here" postcard.
My right boob is officially about a handful while my left is 1 and 3/4 handfuls. I'm staring at the mirror falling into a deep depression.
not sure if I should be concerned that my brother just stormed into my room and looked at me with a serious face and said, "I'm a peacock, you have to let me fly." oh, vicodin...
He's in a nude suit, bald, with a pink headband and a black sharpie streak down his forehead.
they wouldnt let me drive the convertible because i was in a bird suit :(
Opening beer with my teeth is getting easier the drunker I become.
It turns out my teeth are bleeding.
You know.... I ordered the nipple clamps when I was drunk. But on further consideration, THANKS DRUNK ME I LIKE WHATS HAPPENING
so this hot guy who looks like brad pitt circa troy era in my physics lab is staring at me right now and it's taking all the willpower I have not to procreate with him right now.
Randomize
