Im wearin a dollar bill hat and tgkin a big girl home. Lifi is gmwnd
Puked in a cab. Passed out on my floor an my mom put a blanket over me. Home by 1045. I won shitshow trophy last night.
Whenever I said your name you screamed polo and did another shot.
Woke up to a bouquet of flowers in my toilet bowl. Drunk hubby loves me.
I was thinking of baby names while I was giving him a blow job
He kept coming back from the bar with hotter girls and just left with two...I feel like I just witnessed something amaZing. Like meeting Jesus and finding out he has no morals either
I want to let you in on my two latest life goals. Have a photograph of me squirting whipped cream into a midget's mouth, and have sex on a roof.
I think I threw my underwear away at What-A-Burger last night.
We should just do therapy together, clearly we have all the same issues. It's why we are friends.
The hair on my legs is officially flapping in the breeze when I walk. I must say, being single does have perks and this is one of them.
You will drink beer in a kiddie pool in your back yard but you wont bring a girl home
I've talked to too many cops in one week and I haven't even committed any crimes. I hate the suburbs
I haven’t sent any nudes yet in 2018.
That’s not true...is it?
Am I the only one who finds it completely appropriate to pre-game our Brazilians?
New drinking game get out your high school year book and take a shot for everyone in your class who's had a baby!
Randomize
