Condoms? Check. Glitter? Check. Fuck me pumps? Double check. Dignity? No where to be found. I'm about to homewreck the shit out of that dumb bitch.
I've been meaning to talk to you about your lack of self-respect these days and the toll it's taking on your vagina.
he'll be my respectable boyfriend for tksgiving and i'll be his non-slutty girlfriend for christmas.
and then ....
he stays my gay friend and my parents think i'm not a slut.
Would it be in bad taste to ask Marky Mark to sign the vibrator I named after him?
TO ALL WHO WERE IN MY HOUSE LAST NIGHT: WHOEVER STOLE MY BONG AND PUT IT ON THE ROOF WILL BE PAYING MY HOSPITAL BILL FROM LAST NIGHT.. AND BUYING ME A NEW, SWEETER BONG.
Shoot me. I need tickles, a drink, sushi and a handy
Order is debatable
I've been drunk in my life. But I've never been "crying in 5 Guys at 1 in the afternoon" drunk
she broke my one feeling. seriously I think she broke my dick.
Oh my god I would go to planned parenthood the same day I get my nipples pierced
It was a mess. I sat on the kitchen floor with maple whiskey and cried into a bowl of poutine. I've never even been to canada
You have more time for sex than anyone I know.
If you find me in the bathroom in a fetal position, licking frozen bacon .. I might have Drank a little too much.
If you don't sing 'dust in the wind' at my funeral, I'll haunt you forever
I think this is the first time I heard a lesbian version of baby it's cold outside.
If it were up to me his wife would never get his penis again, but I guess they have some sort of arrangement
Yes, an arrangement called marriage
So I tried to catch a rabbit in Terraria & accidentally blew it up with a grenade made of bees. Monty Python would be proud.
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