why are there post-it notes all around the apartment labeled where you guys had sex and in what position
I have never pre-planed for a better sober morning than lacing my muffin batch with tylenol.
Its kinda awkward hearing him say the food taste like ass considering what he did last night.
Lauren she was gnawing on a dresser. Gnawing. On. A. Dresser.
exactly. I want him to have to live with the fact that he fucked me. I want him to look me in the eye and say "you were a drunken mistake".
She acts like a 3 year old but with fantastic tits. This girl is the reason women are objectified
Exotic beer tasting at my apt right now and by that I mean I bought random beer and I'm drinking it on my balcony
If you take a post shower shit just get back in bed. You're better off starting your whole morning all over again.
Still slightly drunk, sitting in Hyde park village. Two small children are dancing and singing "call me maybe" on the fountain in front of me. Am I hallucinating?
Mom and I are both drunk and walking around the Strip. It's like the hangover but with a lot more bathroom breaks.
I have never fucking hated the horrible sound of dozens of off-key recorders BLARING their fucked rendition of "Fais Do-Do" in unison against the screams of an adult male... more than I do now. This is why people avoid teaching. Kill me. End it all.
I only get hit on by people going through their midlife crisis. Yes, I did purposely write that gender neutral.
He makes furniture for a living and is basically a hot, younger Ron Swanson
We lost. I'mma go home and drink more and do a face mask and wonder why it is that god put me on this Earth to suffer
Sex was followed by homemade breadsticks. I waited till after the breadsticks were gone to tell her i had a gf.
Randomize