If you try to operate on me with a Bic pen and vodka, I'm never talking to you again
Some might say its sad that I am willingly picking up a coke habit to be the skinniest bridesmaid... I think it shows my great dedication and proves I should have been maid of honor.
I said you have to fuck the german guy and take one for the team...it's a once in a lifetime opportunity you know.
OMG IM A TIGER AND I LOVE ROARING
My life is a clusterfuck of men and disorderly priorities right meow.
I told her it would be awesome. We are all the same people. One of us would always be drunk, one of us would always be hooking up, and one of us would always be crying into a pancake.
The dick pic bandit just sent me a poem about showering..
Molly was fun. I was in a captain planet onesie in Wal-Mart talking to everyone haha
Today was brought to you by the letter B for beer and bourbon and the number fuck you I'm meant to be studying not hungover
I was blacked out when we met, so basically this will be a blind date.
So in my DUI class I had to write down 3 people I'd call if I needed to talk and why...they all want to meet you now...
I still don't understand if he's using me to write his resume or if we're dating
Girls - I think I have a problem with stealing random shit when I'm drunk.
Had a dream we were competing for tomatos.
Oh and sorry for almost killing all of us last night... twice...
Randomize
