fuck off i hope your children turn out to be republicans
how in the hell can u get pulled over when ur car is parked.
I kept telling myself all night that it was completely okay for me to lose all sense of my morals because it was my birthday.
Went to get my tattoo today. Found out the piercing girl is bi. I may just get my nipples done to get hit on tomorrow. Confidence is low these days.
I had sex with her like 200 times, and she was only pregnant once, those are pretty good statistics.
She has a boyfriend. But if he's a decent human being he understands blowjobs don't count as cheating with her. Keeping those miracles to himself is a crime against humanity.
Is it bad that I don't ask for names anymore? Just added "gold-chain-wearing hotel guy" to my list under "minivan 3way" and "funny-tasting gym guy."
I went to the bathroom, came back, and my friend was sleeping leaning up against the stripper pole.
So note to self oboe reeds soaked in Apple Rubinoff sound GREAT.
dude there's a blind guy on the trail using his service dog to hit on girls.
Do you think I'm short enough to dress up in a ghost costume and go trick or treating and have people believe that I'm actually a child?
She actually purred while I was balls deep in her! I have never been so proud to buy plan b at 6:30 in the morning.
Well I accidentally flashed a 76 year old woman, i'm in a house full of republicans and Im almost drunk enough to give the gay rights speech so i'd say this wedding reception is going great
Paycheck hits in 37 minutes and I literally just emptied my handle of Tito's. If that isn't budgeting like a fucking adult, I don't know what is.
all i want is a guy to go down on me while i eat peanutbutter from a jar
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