did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
Can you put "designated driver" on a resume?
Don't ask me how or why, but I'm drunk with German diplomats. Come over. Now
We jumped on a random trolley because total strangers offered us free vodka. We're not even on the route map as far as I can tell. I see now how those people died in "Hostel"... we deserve whatever happens to us tonight.
he got mad becuase i made more noise when he gave me a back massage then i do when we actually have sex
We're all getting matching jack daniels tattoos. We're gonna be an alcoholic gang of awesome.
You want a summary? Scottish women that start drinking at 7 am. Cherries soaked in moonshine. Japanese beer. Old men smoking stuff that I'm pretty sure is illegal here and in Japan. One is doing a karaoke striptease. There's your summary.
Guess who woke up with a hangover this morning? The same person whose parents found out and woke her up by banging pots and pans with wooden spoons.
A place where it's acceptable to show body parts is not a good place for me to be.
he'll always be the guy that i fucked on the bathroom floor
He smells like cinnamon, and what I imagine to be orgasms
we got cupcakes after we fucked. gives a whole new meaning to sugar daddy
My professor congratulated me on turning my assignment in early. I didn't have the heart to tell him I only passed it in early cause my sex plans got canceled for the night.
Sometimes you have good days, sometimes m you delete 360 screenshots off your camera roll.
I couldnt sleep the entire night because her cats kept reaching under the door like they were trying to eat me for taking their place on her bed.
I always knew youd fuck a cat lady
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