So drunk its hurt
i wish peter jackson would direct porn
Because of no shave november, it's no boys december... pay back
You'll be proud of me
Who did you not have sex with
Damn it...you know me too well
I could swear I did coke with Jesus last night
I just made Jack Daniels snow cones.
Theme for your birthday? Beer olympics in S&M costumes? Sounds like a nice little saturday
He could have been a one armed faceless howler monkey. I was so slammered that I didn't care what I was having sex with or if whatever it was... was doing it right.
You chest bumped everyone we walked by on the way home... Even girls
FYI: Brian said he left me in the bathroom Friday night to shower and 45 minutes later found me with a towel around my head, my pants on and holding my boobs. No more Jell-O shots for me.
So apparently I initiate sex in my sleep
She was riding me and giving me score updates to the basketball game at the same time..... Shes a keeper
We were looking everywhere for you and I finally found you in the closet talking to a build a bear.. So I gave you and myself another drink
Kinda. I got kicked outta the bar, and then incited a riot until the cops came and I bailed
I know you would. And one day, we'll have a moment where i'll verbally assault a stranger for you.
Randomize
