Warning...her vagina is big, like sleeping bag big.
how lazy do you have to be to be a fat vegetarian?
"Tonight I'm turning swine flu into an std" this might be how zombies come about. Peace civilization.
He was trying to put his hand up my shirt but I remembered the coke was stashed in my bra so I moved his hand to my pants
She made me be the little spoon then she pretended to be a jet pack for an hour straight
After the Patriots lost I punched him in the face. But I still feel like that isn't a good reason to dump me.
He actually offered up a silent prayer thanking God for my "tremendous ass." You tell me how my night is going.
My boss just high fived me after finding out i made it through lunch rush rolling on molly. To think this guy used to terify me.
Definitely a Xanax and Jell-O shots kinda day...except my Jell-O shots are really just a big bowl of a Jell-O shot that I use a spoon to eat.
I bruised my dick hopping over that fence last night
i dont get why youre mad at me. i promised you he looked like jim morrison and you failed to ask me like which era
Woke up on the couch with one cowboy boot on and a hat over my crotch. God bless texas.
every day is bullshit and fuck everyone. That's my motto for the week
I made him dinner in just his cowboy hat and my boots after we did it...you should see his face :)
My roommate just woke up to me masturbating in our room. I figured this would happen eventually.
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