I was in a gas station that sold tazers and I just saw a billboard that said "Strippers, need we say more?" God I love Georgia!
I just woke up to people screaming "funnel" in my kitchen....
Happy St. Patrick's Day.
and apparently i was drunk enough to follow up with "I'd let me touch your boobs" ... not my best line.
God I love babysitting. They pay me $10 an hour to watch movies and sext
I don't know what you drank last night but you really enjoyed the 4 egg body shots.
They're re-releasing Titanic in 3-D. Can I interest you in a joint venture to create the greatest drinking game of all time? I think yes
omg. i wish i could describe to you the number of things that were just in my vagina. i feel like i got gangbanged by construction workers.
I am gathering blankets and bags of horse grain to pad my truck bed so I have a comfy place to crash when I get home, without the inconvenience of stairs. Or doors. Or walking. But with the refreshing scent of molasses.
Maybe the problem is guy has to ask his wife if he can go out to lunch with his girlfriend for an hour...
Well, I'm hung over and my penis hurts - two signs of success
I told the person I was on the phone with to hold on while I looked for my phone. I think it's time to stop doing dabs.
Do you own a cuff key and know where Karen lives?
Never drinking before a 6am train again. Just threw up at boarder control and had to pretend it was cause I was pregnant and not cause I trashed.
You make Europe seem so glamorous.
Long story short I ended up getting choked out by a really hot guy in the girls bathroom at a bar last night
He had a small dick and screamed "I will kill you if you don't get hard" to it in German...awkward time to have to explain I speak German too...
This is why you need to stop sleeping with freshmen.
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