he was drinking wine. Puking into an empty water bottle. And eating french toast. ....All at the same time.
It was honestly like finding a clitoris in a haystack.
I was so high that i was talking shit about a girl I was with via text, and I handed the phone to her so she could type the shit I was trying to say.
that blow job was not worth the clinginess that will follow
My neighbor asked me to tell you to stop changing in front of their house. Do I even want to know?
I didn't just get this from the chlamydia fairy.. You should probably get tested.
Of dear god, I've been waiting to have rug burn like this since I got bored of my vibrator 2 months ago
The reign of the rally queen is over. Welcome to the age of the walking dead.
The amount of knuckle children I've had to the Farrah Abraham sex tape is disturbing and impressive
She shit all over my seat. She is not allowed in my car under any circumstances. Not even with drugs. You can't forgive a shit.
no need to worry, I have the internet and a cape, I can accomplish anything. nothing can go wrong, I am unstoppable. Yo.
Also bring a pizza or no entry to my vagina OR the fort.
Cheese only
Best case scenario you died and I melt into poo
I think part of my soul drowned in beer and/or jack daniels last night.
I’m excited to finally meet my stalkee and his penis!
Randomize
