Reflecting on last night, I'm not sure if making out with a 43 y/o married woman at Bernie's after the Cubs game was my best life decision...
mmmm my 21st bday fucking sucks all my best friends are pregnant...selfish assholes. they just couldnt wait til after my bday.
She fucked me because she said I looked like Neil Patrick Harris
I went to the gas station and the lady goes I remember you. Broken sunglasses and puke on your car.
Friends bring friends secret work margaritas. my pink water bottle is in the cupboard
If I can't get slightly excited by the thought of his face between my legs then I know I can never sleep with him.
Welcome to stoned Saturday. Full of laser tag and beyonce and awesome
Send me a pic of your kids to remind me why I have morals.
Remember that time you puked in a beer pong cup while someone else was playing?
that happened
I need to be put in a corner surrounded by pamphlets of stds and babies
Got really high to see my fist college experience unfold. Too high to find my classroom but I found the McDonald's down the street
Last nights hook up turn into a star wars history lesson.. He's luck y he's pretty..
No he reached for my hand at the beach. I pretended to be a seagull.
Reading becomes significantly more difficult when people are having crazy loud sex in an adjoining room
a day off where I don’t get laid would be worthless
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