in the event that i am dead, my body is laying in the intersection of ... the pearl in springfield. it was my friend's 21st but i think i'm dead. wearing a black top. like i said, probably dead.
You know your in college when you decide house chores with games of beer pong...
I am midnight drunk by noon
dude, showing up drunk to physics was the best idea ever. I just tripled my participation for the semester. I love st pattys day
Do I buy ice cream sandwiches or a 40? these are the difficult life decisions I am faced with.
He walked into my room in the middle of the night, whispered something about the patriot act, and took my tv.
You know you're old when tea and a hot bath are more appealing than beer pong with lesbians.
I don't even care that his girlfriend will be there. Us hooking up is a tradition and she will NOT ruin it.
You don't understand, we were on a waffle house. Both of us were absolutely certain we passed out at his place then BAM! Waffle house.
There's a picture of you on facebook laying in the street with 3 cops standing over you after you faceplanted off that guy's shoulders.
Is that what happened to my face?!
It's 10:15 on a Wednesday night and my dick is covered in pop rocks. How's your Wednesday going?
The only thing left on my Bucket List is getting fingered at an aquarium.
The hair on my legs is officially flapping in the breeze when I walk. I must say, being single does have perks and this is one of them.
Does he know you were at a strip club taking shots of tequila right before you babysat his son?
As I was blowing him, he proceeded to tell me that his friend who I blew years ago gave me a five star review on my BJ skills. And, he agrees.
Atta girl.
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