I think, one-on-one, Paul Rudd could be very threatening in like a REALLY good way.
we were dressed as cave people and he kept telling everybody i was so easy a caveman could do it.
I finally beat you i just fucked my professor last night!!!\n\n
sry, psychiatrist trumps professor
I'm watching a Sinbad stand up special. Not even drugs can make this funny.
It's so hard to find a shirt to wear out that is easily taken off, cut off my paramedics, but says "I'm a grown, respected woman"
It's just like riding a bike. Only it's a dude's face.
I didn't cheat on him. He just hasn't been informed of the open part of our relationship.
Most violent shit of my life. New Years resolution of eating better is already kicking me in the face.
They knew I had a party because the refrigerator settings were different, but they don't notice that we installed a new toilet seat so it's okay.
I have been referring to it as "thanks for getting out of me day" all week. Do you think they will still take me to brunch tomorrow?
do you know where my other puke covered boot is
I asked you if you wanted to go to the ER, have me sew it up or just wrap it in duct tape and keep on keepin on. You just said YES. I remember very little after that.
You're a good friend.
Today's weekday brunch started at 2pm, and consisted of $7 of sandwich and $50 of cocktails. Also, I hustled the bartender for about $3 playing nickel poker, but he may have been letting me win. Either way, he didn't get into my pants.
Reasons why I love cats more than people: 1. They're not fucking people.
You know you had a good night when you wake up cuddling a baseball bat and a can of chicken noodle soup.
Randomize
