We found an eightball on the ground last night. I mean, really, who does that?
I think I found my soulmate. This guy in front of me is yelling about getting laid while holding two beers and texting. I think this is love.
So I'm driving and this guy next to me at the stop light is reving his engine and honking at me. Motherfucker thinks that's because I'm asian and drive a honda I'm automatically going to race him
he smelled like listerine and beef tacos
It's official, I've know hooked up with everyone I carpooled with in middle school
I can practically hear my vag and my conscience fighting.
Ohh god. I'm so nervous. This is terrible. He just introduced me as "the best girlfriend of his life" and Jenny as his "sexual roomate"
The one thing I know about living in Vegas is the closest I'll ever come to being a father is singing the theme song from Full House to a garbage can while I eat an entire birthday cake.
The hot guy sitting next to me in the lib is reading a book called "Impersonal sex in public places." How wrong would it be to give him my number when I bounce?
I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL?
Everyone was in jail by 10:30. I'd say it was a successful bachelor party.
Sending dick pics while driving a car going 80 in the rain at night to a married woman? Why hello 2014
sidebar: i fucked your brother last night
Why do I have "apologize to Dave Coulier" written on my hand?
DID YOU OR DID YOU NOT, PEE IN MY FUCKING TRASHCAN?!
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