Nothing ended up happening last night because he couldn't get my overalls or fanny pack off. I woke up this morning with one strap over my overall shorts on, my fanny pack wrapped around my chest, and the baby doll still tied to my hand. Ugh white trash parties!
there is no way he can be that small
look on the bright side he'll over comepensate
I just got wrote up for "repeatedly smelling like alcohol"
That was long passed due.
For Halloween this year I'm gonna go as Angelina from Jersey Shore. I'm gonna yell "umm HELLO?!," cockblock someone, then leave the party early
what's the name of that soccar player i bit again?
you can now officially say a girl has shaved your initials into her pubes. welcome to the club.
you trust me enough to eiffel tower a girl but don't trust me with a mallet wtf happened to our friendsship
Why can't I live in a world where my only 2 options are rum bikini hot tub party or masturbating?
It was like a square peg in a round hole... I've never seen one shaped like a stick of butter...
Is it OK to disqualify a potential therapist if she lists 50 Shades of Gray as her favorite book? Or is that a good thing?
Dressing as mugato from zoolander Halloween you may want to be the hand model. We can get you a fish bowl filled with Clementine Vodka and soda you can put your hand in.
holy fucking shit get me out of here. even the babies are wearing beanies
I have no inclination to even want to think about what God's existential meltdown is going to be like. O.o
I woke up in some kids room and he introduced me to his friends at breakfast as "Monica" so I just went with it.
I put miralax in my rum/coke. Go hard or go home.
Randomize
