the last time I saw her she was leaving the mens bathroom and club rush with her dress inside out. typical tease.
This morning when you woke up you looked like one of the Wii Bowling people. I think it was the eyebrows combined with the sambuca
I think condoms have that nasty latex smell to remind you in the morning of how gross you are.
kevin brought a 6ft brunette runway model with him tonight. Now, im not sure what the fuck the color of the " i get it, its over, Im ugly" flag is.... but i'll wave it.
i just used burnetts to get spraypaint off the floor of my dorm lobby
i love that youre following in my footsteps.. pissing yourself on your birthday is an honor and a privlege
You kept saying you we're gonna puke and wanted to steal my pants
That does not explain the remnants of a small fire in my bathtub.
Casually on the bus at 830 in the morning with a box of cheezits and a bottle of fireball sticking out of my purse....
WHAT KIND OF GUY JACKS OFF TO A PICTURE OF A BUTT WHAT IS THIS THE 1980s
I've just been thinking about sangria a lot lately, like an adult.
In case you're wondering what I'm doing, I'll be banging an 18 year old this weekend. Repeatedly.
He's a drill sergeant! The sadomasochist in me can't resist that.
Tonight I'm getting fucked up for America because Lord knows we need it.
I feel like I shouldn't be left around 30 year olds when I'm drunk
Shut up. I hate you. We're doing shots tomorrow. Fuck the consequences.
Randomize