So the last day on the vacation I woke up in the bath tub. My mom said she asked me during the night what I was doing and I said, "swimming."
she just stood in the kitchen yelling "REAL WOMEN HAVE CURVES"
I knew we were gonna fuck after she told me she's seen that Porno before
Just snuck alcohol into the hospital for my mom.
frankly if you're gonna get kicked out of your place, hooking up with your gay roommate's boyfriend would be the most entertaining way to do it.
He kept moaning America instead of Erica while fucking me.
I remember pointing out how smooth my legs were to try to direct his attention away from my vagina.
RIGHT?!?! I'M ACTUALLY UPSET I DON'T GET TO MAKE THE 2.3 MILE TREK TO SUCK HIS COCK, yes I google earthed it.
Between my vag yelling at me for having bad sex and my legs yelling at me for going to the gym I cant hear myself think.
So, I'm playing the Doctor Who drinking game with my dogs, but they don't understand quite when to drink. Still counts as successful, though, right?
Did I get stoned on a sunday afternoon and speak to someone on the phone for an hour about cats and their behaviour? Glad you asked. And yes.
There is no way to say this. Dude, I peed your bed. No questions, no answers. My flight leaves in 30 minutes. Use my detergent. Also, THE VODKA IN THE FRIDGE IS YOURS.
Was it you I was with where I saw a guy open a beer with his butt?
Shia just rubbed his beard the way I do all the time and maybe he's my soul sister. This live stream is life changing.
So he apologized for peeing on my floor.. then we fucked all night.
Real classy
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