Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
I hooked up with a Michael Jackson impersonator last night. Too soon?
Weird question, would you want to do fetish porn? you get paid.
Just heard a guy on the phone saying " ya ill buy the eight ball " then came to my register to ask what asile the sugar substitute is on.
just had to make the 420 edibles gluten free and kosher for passover.
Then he said something about how from that angle I looked just like his mom.
You said eat breakfast. So i poured Baileys on top of m&m's. It taste just like like cereal I swear.
i just sent him like 8 different sexts and he texted me back about how good the hummus is that i left in his fridge.
Marshall is naming all the elements of my face. I love science nerds.
Well watching will be involved...it'll just most likely be of me licking your penis instead of me trying to understand how Hans Solo goes up against the Galactic Empire...
And the cops are back. At least my pants are on this time
He's listening to "my heart will go on" by himself in the living and its not even noon. MAKE IT STOP.
hitting rock bottom is getting taziki in your hair & simply putting it in a bun instead of actually dealing with it, just like your problems
All I remember is me taking my automatic nerf gun getting on top of him and saying..."look whos in control now!"
Just woke up next to a hungry lesbian and a half eaten croissant on my stomach. Can you come get me?
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