i just had sex. the condom broke. we're sleeping in to separate beds. And im in albany
My Mom bought me a vibrating toothbrush. Maybe this is her way of apologizing for throwing away my other thing that vibrated.
Before I left in the morning I deleted her purity ring app off her iPod, I figured it would save her the shame
the guy that filmed erin andrews naked got 27 months in jail. Every man that's seen it should send him cigs and a nail file baked in a cake. We owe it to him.
There's nothing like puking in the airport on the way TO Vegas. Something tells me i pregamed a little too hard.
I didn't scare your mother by showing up on the roof, did I?
I like to think of you as more a magic eight ball of my life's journey?
She got the hiccups while deep throating me. It was epic. Once in a lifetime experience.
Can we just discuss how hundreds of miles away we were both beyond drunk and in some boys bed. That is the definition of friendship.
thank you for being a reason not to completely check out of my life and start sleeping all day, crying all night, and living off vodka acquired through credit card debt
I doubt the gods of funday Sunday would exact such a high price... But it's good to know an afternoon with me is worth a left foot.
ya I went to the grocery store literally just for cheese and condoms
If they start to date again I refuse to help her sext him. Helping my mom sext my dad is where I draw the line.
I'm at her wedding and she managed to get every single one night stand I ever had in her wedding party. Why does she hate me?
I woke up remembering only that I got pulled over by a cop, then looked over and found that same cop, naked.
Randomize
