Hahahaha do you think bella ever gave edward head?
Nyc is like a mosaic of my failed dates.
My carpet still smells like piss and I THINK YOU KNOW WHY.
And then I watched some old guy get arrested for meeting some other old guy for a blow job. It was epic.
i feel like i want to date him just so i could be besties with his penis
Just found out that wake n bake is not one of the 7 habits of highly effective people..
I'm a little nervous about this St. Patty's Day party. Seriously, we're still finding stuff from the Halloween party.
He won't ever take me seriously if I keep getting drunk and hooking up with all his friends.
I am nonfunctional stoned. I had to ask ben to put me somewhere away from all the people I'm sitting on someones bed watching a wall. Not alright. Should not have come.
The ideal thing to do next party is to tape my boobs down so they don't knock over the pong cups while playing defense. They came back to hurt us this time
sorry like um she made me hold her puke bag while she peed in front of me is that better
I still think he fell and scraped his elbow and lost his credit card buying 8 hot chocolates for hobos
Tonight I celebrated marriage equality by letting a girl I don't know kiss me at the club.
I never thought I'd have to apologize for tasting like absinthe and cheetos before tonight
yeah true but how easily can you rip a scrotum
Randomize
