I was just walking through Burbank and saw a hobo using solar panels on his shopping cart. We must be in trouble if the hobos are researching alternative sources of fuel...
It was like a little tadpole swimming in the big ocean.
Ok lesson learned. Don't lick the spoon when making mushroom chocolates. The kitchen walls are melting.
Your one and only job is to make sure I am on that bus tomorrow morning with no cat makeup on my face
Saw on the news tonight that Hamilton county's syphilis rate is 9x the national average...use protection!
Thanks, mom.
I'm naked and wearing a cowbell.i love med school.
Literally best acid trip ever. Better than sex. At one point she looked over at me, started crying, holds up her hands and said "dinosaur tears of sadness". Craziest roommate ever.
We weren't even through customs yet, and we got offered weed. You would love Jamaica.
I don't know who's more excited for you to come home. Me or my vagina
I'm all set for mothers day, I let her beat me in beer pong.
Is there ever a non-asshole time to play the "I was a child prodigy" card?
I just read my D.A.R.E. essay from 5th grade. I'm having mixed feelings about my previous life choices right now.
Currently eating a pop tart in my underwear waiting for the washer. Not one of my prouder moments.
These business classes have improved my drug business ten fold
Go shave, and then go fuck the man
YOU ARE SO CRUDE, I LOVE YOU
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