Piggyback rides are my preferred mode of transportation.
You broke out your mechano set and told us you were gonna "build us a beer machine" and 5 min later you were fast asleep
I wish guys would just cum water 'cause you don't have to worry about being pregnant and it'd be like a squirt gun fight
Tuesday night just isn't my ideal coke binge night.
You stood up gave the stripper 15 ones in a wad, hugged her and then sat back down.
I'm skipping the 'hey, how are you, I have to pick up something pointless at your apartment' excuse and just telling you I'm coming over to fuck.
St Patricks Day is not the day you decide to have a sober epiphany.
I'm pretty sure that if I didn't have a gerbil with a shotgun in my uterus I would think i was knocked up cuz all I want is hot sauce
I don't know what I wash first. My body or my puke painted car. People are judging me as I drive by.
Well it was tamer than the 4th of july when I blew that guy I met walking home from the fireworks
I'm going on a new diet. It's called the "eat healthy otherwise boys won't want to have sex with your fat ass" diet. Wish me luck.
You're a five foot adderall and caffeine fueled ball of sexual frustration and suppressed rage. It's only a matter of time before you snap. We're taking bets on when.
There's a man with a stuffed dog and a can of dog food on the L. Should I break it to him?
Best not to. Some people need their delusions.
Dude is PACKING. And yes I am holding up a cross and holy water and hissing like a pissed off goose.
Yeah last night got weird fast. No lie, a kid pulled a butt-plug with a tail out of his ass.
Randomize
