I thought she was mad at me, but then we did a pose off and I realized we're friends for life
She laid down on my bed and played "I want you to want me" on my laptop. subtle.
I miss being able to drink at 11am just cause it was sunny outside.
Thanks for telling my landlord that the poop stain was yours and not my secret dog.
Wtf. I just got invited to a threeway bj session in the bathroom at boiler. Lmao
Me. You. Shitty green clothes from Savers that we will dub alligator costumes. Middle of the quad tomorrow at noon. Bring your alligator voice and the pearls before swine comic.
Can we please get through at least one night out when you DON'T threaten to have sex with one of my parents?!?!
I don't care how sexy you think I look in my scrubs. Wanting a blow job is not a medical emergency.
I just pulled the nickels from earlier out of my bra in class. The guy next to me is either terrified or intrigued.
My vag is like the Sahara
Ew that's gross.
The sad truth. Barren and empty.
She just asked what would happen if you put a vacuum in your butt and turned it on. These are our conversations.
I am making up for a 7 year dry spell so I get a pass and I don't always care if there is a second date. It is like college but with more money and condoms.
Who put the meatball sub on my door handle?
Now I have to go back and sober fuck him. For science.
It's a draw. You need to settle it in Smash, Soul Calibur, and/or rock-paper-scissors, the last of which Steve claims is bullshit.
Randomize
