things it involved: vodka, boy parts, possible photos of me on a cell phone. things it did NOT involve last night: my bra, his pants, and sobriety.
She made a guy cry in the bar. I will have her, oh yes, I will have her..
i called my brother from the living room and paid him a dollar to turn off the light in my room. ive hit rock bottom
I feel like Captain Blackout doesn't do her justice. Brigadier General Blackout is much better.
wait a second... your telling me you want me to take you to the bank at 10 on a tuesday so you can buy a blow up pool and fill it with beer?
yes... and buy you lunch
You don't have to be drunk! I've licked your asshole before
Woke up in an unfamiliar pair of underwear, running shoes but no socks, and a cowboy hat. Thank you crown royal
After 13 tally marks I wrote the number 4,000 and made u sign my arm to prove it.
Stolen hampster on my tits. Don't tell me I don't know how to party.
I like how I get messages from eharmony at the same time I'm looking for a new vibrator. It's like the powers that be are just trying to make my life ironic.
I don't know if this whole sobriety thing is going to work out... It's only been 3 days and I want to chug vodka
I just wanted to be nice to your dick and you are rhyming at me.
Honestly I have a huge freedom boner right now and if I came it would be red white and blue
I finished OITNB and broke it off with my fuck buddy in the same day. It's going to be a rough week
i had a flashback to you roaring like a dying tiger and then throwing your wallet (maybe?) at the cat in the living room and saying "you're the only adult that lives here take all my money"
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