I'm sorry for what I said earlier...your vagina wouldn't look funny If you had a kid.
please dont tell anyone i was drunk
you were publicly making out with a very old very spandex covered woman...they know
you know I love you but I need to see your friends tits
my liver gets a handicap on account of the whole being diseased thing
But he found my shoe...that at least deserves a handjob.
Oh fuck. There is like a human shit on the sidewalk. I hate this place.
Captain Morgan didnt let me down when i stand up it feels like the world is trying to hand me rainbows.
If it makes you feel any better, I had my finger up some guy's butt today... Dominatrix training, ya know...
I based a lot of our friendship on the fact that I thought you were crying from feeling so sad for me when I got crabs. I'm not sure if we can ever be as close now.
I don't like how my gyno is telling me how to live my life.
he appreciated my fucking vagina for two hours he can appreciate my honesty
Sexy intern needs to have caveman sex with me
You really need to not quote Anchorman while I'm giving you a serious blowjob.
Vodka for breakfast. With a side of Frankenberries. Don't judge me.
I just got baptized.
Drunkenly skinny dipping in a indoor hotel pool is not okay and does not count as a baptism.
Randomize