what has become of my life if the best thing thats happened to me this week is that i discovered my cleavage as the best hiding spot ever for weed.
Spotted: forty year old in red dress, cigarette in hand, squatting to pee by railroad tracks. Hello future.
I fucking love fucking science majors-- she told me that she wanted to know if her gag reflex got better or worse with alcohol, and that her initial evidence had been inconclusive. So, next few weeks, yeah, gettin blown periodically. All I have to do is keep a log.
you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
Would you get mad if I held a "how many dick pics can you get in one night" competition with my friend?
The last thing I remember was doing a line in the shape of Texas
Shes 18 and still has a curfew. it was great. didnt have to worry about her still being here in the morning.
You are going to come home to a suitcase in the fridge. Just go with it.
Also, do you think i could get away with finishing my vodka cranberry from last night at work if i put orange juice in it? Serious question.
I can't believe I'm giving you play by plays of this sexting convo. It's like a three way he doesn't know about.
He kept telling me that it stood for Sex Utility Vehicle
Saw the guy I once slept with, he was buying Beer and shit tone of diapers. Glad to see how 2016 will turn out.
He's mad at me because I said I wouldn't date him if his dick was smaller. I fail to see the issue
I feel like there's def a learning curve to the sex swing
Somewhere on my work laptop I have a map visualizing all the area codes that Ludacris has ho's
I hope that wasn't done on billed time
I can guarantee that it was
Randomize
