I went to check the drunk texts i sent last night but my phone deleted them already. Even my phone is ashamed.
next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
Yes, yes she is. This will teach her not to pull her vibrator out and harass people with it at parties.
I made him sleep with a condom on and i passed out on the carpet with only a bra on.
I left him a voicemail saying i went through with the abortion and he texts me back one thing... the bbm "phew" face. really?
laying naked on couch sucking water through straw. i can still feel the orgasm from last night. thank you mdma.
I'm your Election Erection Connection
I retroactively revoke all sex we've ever had.
Like I'm sorry but "it'll be fine trust me" IS NOT VERY REASSURING ASSHAT. Now take off your pants.
He went snooping and now he's all intimidated by my super amazing box of sexy time toys.
Please stop calling it that.
What do you take me for? I'm not trying to lure you into bed with stories of my dead aunt.
I didn't know White Castle was open when your sober.
i'm sitting in my room 'bout to smoke a bowl. also, i found out that you don't need a permit to own a tiger in wisconsin, so we're buying one when we move in together.
I'm too drunk to make ramen. What the fuck is this.
I feel like he doesn't realize we're offering him a threeway with sisters and I don't understand how that's possible.
Maybe we should bring mom next time.
I was singing Colors of the Wind and swigging vodka and still felt like more of an adult.
Randomize
