Jake died.
WTF????????? That's how you tell me????
Oops typo. Jake cried.
In case you were wondering, you weren't dreaming. I really did get stuck between my bed and the wall last night.
You spend 45 minutes trying to convince that pregnant girl you were with all night to have sex with you cause 'the worst had already happened.'
We just had to use a designated driver to get to night class.
I knew the night had taken a turn when we showed up and our flabongo was being chilled in the freezer.
you force-fed me gummy vitamins while screaming "I JUST WANT YOU TO BE HEALTHY" i have never been so terrified in my life.
Well as our DD it was my responsibility to get us home safely. If that meant strapping you down to the backseat using all 3 seatbelts then so be it.
We were escorted through the guys dorm by 5 kids with nerf guns and zelda shields. I felt like the president with a fucked up secret service squad.
i woke up with 5 inch heels locked on my feet and my car keys missing. this is gonna be an interesting walk home
I was looking at the storm clouds during my run and one oddly resembled ur penis
Let's get a hotel room this time. I really don't want to sleep in a Dennys parking lot again.
Will Smith has a direct hotline to my emotions
PSA- Wearing assless chaps results in embarrassingly painful sunburn
1 fuck you 2 fuck her 3 ur forgiven 4 im breaking up with her
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when I get back.
Randomize
