She said if it slipped out one more time she was going to duct tape it in her vagina
Yeah. We was talkin. Its ok. My bed is too filled with pam for sex. Its like a slip and slide of butter product.
he was pretty good aside from the whole putting his tongue on my butt thing
He wore homemade jorts on our first date. I'm not sure if I should leave now or embrace the white trash lust and marry him
And just when I was about to fall asleep, he hit me in the face, and claimed he's a "violent sleeper".
Woke up with a migrane, threw up blood, then my headache went away. I'm going to convince myself that it was just a bad batch of blood so I can drink again tonight
Note to self: do not take so many shots that you sit on the floor under the bar where nobody can see you, and reach out and grab peoples crotch.
He couldn't stand on his own, but he managed to somehow to get to the beer garden and get served 3 more. I'm proud to call him my cousin.
I want to get a list going called "D list celebs I've kissed"
We have to do it Saturday and get a thirty. If i remember correctly it takes me 12 beers to become a wizard
Now everytime I sit on a toilet I think about having sex with him. Great.
Idk. The bad part of me thinks it's a good idea. The bad part is also the stupid part.
I'm being hhit on by creepy guys please come one bought me a penis hat balloon animal save meeeee
The guy at the liqiour store just said "Wow haven't seen you in awhile, is everything okay?"
My sister and her gf showed up at my door with no pants on at 4 AM talking claiming its hot.
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