Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
i always forget guys have bellybuttons
We decided to smoke and then made crosses on our foreheads for ash wednesday
mom would be proud
apparently "my dealer got arrested" is not an acceptable answer when mom asks "What happened? You look sad today"
I crashed her parents' car cause she was giving me road head. Its probably best to just let them think I'm a bad driver.
THEY ARE MY AGE. THEY ARE YOUR LITTLE SISTER'S AGE THIS IS A DELICATE MATTER. CAPS LOCK
plan d- we get drunk, go see that Justin Bieber movie and freak out 13 year old girls.
Had a drag queen carry me to the car. So I'm told...
Is shaving my mustache contingent on you sleeping over tonight?
There is a girl in my drunk limo who hasn't seen an uncircumcised penis. Hook me up with a picture.
I'm so incredibly high right now the fact I am texting is nothing short of miraculous. Call the Pope. Hell make me Saint Roy, patron of stoners.
I'm cutting her off I can't have my good name soiled with these kinds of shenanigans
Shit is preposterous
I slept through 4/20 and my roommates bought an entire ham that's just sitting in the fridge...
My booty call is in the theater watching Deadpool right now. Never though comics would work against me.
He was really cute! And I know but it's just like getting my fix ya know? He's basically a human vibrator.
Randomize