Starting drinking whiskey at eight. Already had ten girls looking up my kilt to make sure I'm wearing it right.
You told me you loved me after I brushed your teeth with my index finger.
I'm currently looking through google images of circumsized penises and realizing how vital pre-marital sex is.
I just contemplated drinking cheese dip. And by "contemplated," I mean "attempted and was forcibly stopped from."
We're all just looking at each other quietly, hoping that no one brings up last nights shenanigans.
He sent me a recycled dick pic! He could at least use one without sunlight in it, considering it's 10pm
That is was cool to fuck the single mother accross the street until every girl i bring home gets the car keyed.
It's a little sad/awesome that I scored coke within 60 seconds of walking in the bar.
The student becomes the teacher.
Suspicion confirmed. my mom has her nipples pierced
Way to crack the case Nancy Drew
If you don't fuck me hard, rough, and senseless the minute we're alone in your room, I'm returning you to the boyfriend store
Yeah. That's the shitty part. God, I don't want to be a step mom. Sure I'm great with kids, but I just want unlimited sex and not have to worry about making friends with a fucking 7 year old.
party tonight. bring as many traffic cones as you can find. we need to section off the blackout drunks way better this time
I'm still hammered too. I started tweeting the time at one point I'm pretty sure.
Godammit I caught my hair on fire taking a bong rip
I feel like everything in my life has been preparing me for my future sex robot experience
You’re so close!!!
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