she was hot for a redneck and i dont look at teeth
after drinking 6 jumbo margaritas he then proceeded to tell the entire restaurant that he was going to "bust a load in me" when we got home....how do you think the rest of my night went?
for a minute I thought I needed to put on pants to go get a burrito, but then I remembered I'm in college
My vag wants to play a game of hungry hungry hippos with your cock.
he proposed by singing a showtune... he might as well have had a cock in his mouth at the time
you know you've made it when it's your own pool table you're waking up on
I can't tell if I miss summer or 5 times a day sex more.
I was talking to a guy at my work, and mid-sentence he started vomiting violently for about five minutes, then he said, " great dope" and carried on like nothing had happened.
I tried telling the cop that I don't do drugs, and that if he'd just take me home I could prove it by showing him my D.A.R.E. certificate.
uh, 3 redbulls and 400mg of caffeine pills and i still feel like life is in slowmotion..lets not take tranquilizers again.
Just Everbombed a Guiness to make up for cutting out early last night. Also the Mars probe. Happy birthday motherfucker!
Passed out drunk in a tanning bed...
Did At The Beach call the fire department to get you like last time?
okay when i look at this i can see it on the future news along with the headline "picture scandal involving senatorial candidate sexually harassing drunken idiot in what appears to be a pink room of pain"
I need to stop acting like a drunk bitch. People are going to get the right idea about me...
That sounds promising. I'm twerking to human nature.
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