Hey, kurt drew a penis on you and wrote my innotals. I had nothing to do a/ that.
I just spent $27 on things to pee on.
He just turned on a sound machine. I need to get the fuck out of here.
Drunk. Just jacked off for the third time in an hour. I love not being Catholic anymore.
When health care reform is passed, I'm throwing a kegger
You are the reason we need health care reform
Just smoked a bowl with the exterminator. I think my day is more productive.
Of all the shitty people we associated with, you should be happy that I'm the one fucking your cousin. Sorry.
Me focusing on not shitting my pants is keeping me awake.
All I'm saying is that your next houseguest had better not barge in on me in the shower demanding I wash the stolen dye from his hair. I'm not doing that a second time.
We'll talk about this tommorrow when I'm not mistaking my fingers for French fries....
His parents know me as "the white shoed screamer"
Honestly I have a huge freedom boner right now and if I came it would be red white and blue
I'm just going to ride dicks all the way to the to the gates of hell
Just let a guy I just met eat me out in a shed at a baby shower. May have sunk to a brand new low
I might be getting fired on this week so the only option i see for tonight is to get smashed and have an orgy. actually this idea might explain why i'm not an ideal employee.
Randomize
