I feel like i just miscarried Jesus's baby...
Is it weird that I think of Ennis from Brokeback Mountain everytime I hear "Make em Say" by Master P? "I don't need your money. Huh." NA NA NA NAAA.
ok understand this, i didn't pay for your dinner bc you said i wasn't going to get a blowjob for at least a month... this isn't a mail-in rebate deal, you gotta pay upfront
i woke up to 115 texts from him all saying "do you love me??"
You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
You tried to tip the paramedic for finding you.
I went golfing for the first time today!! Aren't you proud?
Driving a golf cart around all day with a keg attatched to the back doesn't exactly count as golfing
were trying to schedule when i can give him head in between classes.
Finding a keg in our kitchen would be like god personally high fiving each of us.
Theres a midget tsa agent. Just an observation
Jazzercise themed birthday pub crawl. 6 bars in 6 hours.everyone was a hot mess.
No, she isn't nearly as crazy as the girl who wanted to wear a vial of my semen as a necklace.
You ever just wake up and decide, today I'm going to eat a whole bag of fritos and a tub of cream cheese
I'm no longer puke free since 2013 am I.
I taught three men with PhDs how to make a gravity bong last night. I love academia.
Randomize
