Last night I apparently send my boss a picutre of my boobs. On the bonus part I got a raise today. So I just want to thank your parents for naming you Jeff cuz if I was not so hammered last night I would have sent it to the right one.
I walk of shamed back from his dorm in costume while his dad and brother were waiting outside to drive him home. his dad apologized to me. my life never gets old.
Why am I getting the stink eye from these people? They're acting like BYOB isn't kosher in a laundromat.
Im down. Even tho your nick name intimidates my vagina.
She sent me a map and directions for a booty call. In a park. Give me reason not to marry her.
Right... Let's keep my vodka tinged mind focused on simple words
i just called my dad a bottom. he agreed
I think weed is turning my hair brown
this temple that is my body is starting to crumble and turn into ruins
well at least now you can say you got an STD from the frontman of a band no one's heard of
fuck you.
Hung out near hay bales in sweaters then she gave me a pumpkin spice pop rocks bj. That was so freakin' seasonal.
He got you flowers. How bad can the sex really be?
When do you estimate your next shower will be? Several people have asked.
i just remembered i drunk watched the brave little toaster last night
the voting booth dude cock blocked me or she woulda totally blown me in the voting booth.
Randomize
