Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
I'll name the documentary, "The Adventures of Megan's Vagina"
when i spit it made a heart shape. i think it's a sign
Because its an amazing idea and you're the only one I can think of that will allow a pirate threesome
He literally is quoting that 21 questions song, the 50 cent one. oh my god.
And I'm not sure if that's how you pluralize penis. Never planned on needing to know that in my life.
I decided tomorrow is going to be great day wether my period likes it or not
Bad news: I found out that girl you want has a boyfriend. Good news: she'll probably cheat on him with you. Better news: after seeing the way she treats him, that's the most interaction you're going to want with her anyway. Trust me.
We bonded over the fact that we each, separately, got arrested on the same weekend.
She just tricked me into telling her the balance of my 401k... She's like a gold digging jedi mind trick ninja
Then he claimed me as his prize for 3rd place in a wing eating contest. Too romantic.
Crazy fun. I think I got a concussion from a stripper
I decided I was tough enough to wax my bikini area myself. Long story short, I'll be drunk when you get home
I woke up the other day with my Google browser open to "DIY lip injections"... I also just received a vial of hyaluronic acid and a package of TB syringes from amazon. I'm down.
I will have no part of this.
I'm glad he doesn't have a bigger dick because he'd just use it for evil anyway
Randomize
