when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
No, he attached a coozie to his crutches so he can carry his beer around the party.
Wait wait wait. I remember riding in her car to the next bar. On your lap. With my head on the dashboard. That probably should have been my cut off point.
I just had to dig under a pile of condoms in my desk drawer to get to a blue book. Summer is officially over.
You're a disgrace to the female race and the love triangle and halloween.
I NEVER left your party last night of anyone asks.
Yeah, I didn't wake up handcuffed to my bed either.
spotted: something called the tunnel of opression. i feel like if we patricipated we wouldnt even be phased or we could run it better than them
Currently smoking a blunt with my one night stand's mom. I don't know how I should feel about this.
You are going to come home to a suitcase in the fridge. Just go with it.
Everyone should just give me a copy of their keys. I take your dog out and I bring beer.
I HAVE A STRAIGHT LINE ACROSS MY ASS ABOUT THE WIDTH OF A SLIM JIM. ERICA!
Just had to tell a NYC cop I was doing the Dougie in a houndstooth jumper so he could find me in the security video.
coming down from speed on a 5 hour flight home from vegas is not a valid reason for calling off work the next day
so i said i had a yeast infection
besides the unzipped fly, the black eye and the toilet paper on your shoe you looked really sexy today baby!
The neighborhood cougar just purred at me while I was doing yard work. I’m terrified and tumescent
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