im spending all my christmas money on new years parafanalia aka things I will ingest or lose by the next morning
I just followed a trail of feathers and glitter to class. Today better be fucking magical.
this guy had a colored tattoo of Chucky on his leg, whatever drugs he does, i want them
I heard porn and smelled bacon cooking. I knew you had to be home.
stuck in the elevator with that hot guy from the 3rd flood. Worried he can smell my spray tan and desperation
I woke up to a hotel manager knocking on my car ( window was down) and asking if I was ok
you tried to fill your inhaler with vodka
God she is annoying. I am only keeping her around on fb because I want to see if her baby comes out looking like an alien or not.
I kinda wanna Instagram the giant vag stain on my sheets. That is something to be proud of. It's a Christmas miracle.
Hyyypothetically, what would you do if you happened to see my boobs on the internet?
Go to a building you've never been before and take a shit. It's marvelous
I chatted up the pastor's son on Grindr during the service. Still ridiculing my decision to go to church this morning?
Wanna have a sleepover and take me to court in the morning?
Did you really kidnap my goldfish last night?
He made a group chat with him, his wife, & I. Is this really life!??
Randomize
