Your tits are I can't wait for
They should really pass out barf bags in church
i dont have any money that hasnt already been designated for cigarettes and birth control
I'm wearing this super skanky ass dress that's wayyy to slutty for church but I think Jesus will appreciate it because i look so bangin for his bday.
And then she proceeded to fling her bra around while screaming the rocket power theme song, still managing to not fall off the skateboard
I was fingering her, she was moaning, and we were singing Mulan
I woke up with cheeseburger in my mouth and a deep sense of accomplishment.
Say what you want, but those Fraggle Rock DVDs have gotten me laid twice.
Just found a peacock feather in my car. Should I be the least bit concerned about this?
Dude. Her vagina is a blender.
Seriously. We gorilla glued our hands together. Eating pizza last night was impossible.
I want Samuel L. Jackson to stand beside me and narrate my morning shits.
On the flip side Weston asked if he could move me to Wisconsin to be his "moto hoe" which is actually a thing apparently
Shit happens dude.
Shit doesn't just HAPPEN on the kitchen floor you asshole.
I've been trying to fall asleep with ice packs covering my vagina for the last hour... Sorry for being vulgar. I'm going to kill myself.
Randomize
