I think most guys look at porn as a fallback career. I mean I know I do.
Dude, this place has 10% alcohol beer on tap. It's like God's semen.
Thank you for holding my vodka while the police let me ride their horse.
What is the pluralization of human? I just got humen rejected, and I am going completely blank...
one of my coworkers is shitshow drunk, getting naked. she's about to ride the bull.
i was just going to ask if it would be cool for me to come and have a beer...
it's total chaos here. i may ride the bull... i'll be visible.
the girl walking home behind me started yelling and pointing "i want an ass like hers!" i feel vaguely accomplished.
I can't look at him without thinking about his cum face
put me on a leash or i'm going to fuck someone
there is a money trail leading from my bathroom to my living room.. the trail ends with a half eaten bag of chips with a note that says "magical chipz".. who am i?
Yea, you were talking about how you did not want to be a reindeer for at least 5 minutes.
I just puked my brains out on the side of the road (see picture) And I took a picture for our scrapbook! I am always thinking! =) tell me your proud?!
He stopped mid-sex to read the subtitles on a Korean movie we had playing in the background.
Apparently drunk me thought it was time for a career change. I woke up with a message from Mcdonalds saying that I was hired as the new cashier.
I feel like an involuntary Mother Theresa. I DON'T WANT TO BE ABSTINENT!
Apparently I thanked the paramedics over and over again for saving the "happy new year" beads that I was wearing
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