i'm out of smokes so i just had an after sex popsicle. this might become an addiction.
my neighbors are having lesbo sex right now.
I'm on my way.
It's almost summer. We need to start reconnecting with our home drug dealers.
we literally hit three floors of our apartment building searching for condoms. also got macaroni.
He got about halfway through singing "Drift Away" before he passed out and broke my coffee table.
4 girls bringing me taco bell. this is what dreams are made of.
she's traveling up the coast with her camera and a stash of pot cookies eating food from different campuses. said she slept in a closet 2 states away last nite... of course I'm interested
so the photographer said "let's get a picture of the cousins" so we posed together, and then he said " lets get a picture of the couples" So we posed together.
This is why I need to move out...so my naked vomit covered walk of shames to the bathroom are only witnessed by one other person who is equally as pathetic as me and the cat
If your boss lets you sleep on his couch, you don't pay him back by boning his daughter.
hes like bread. how could bread be dangeous
Please let me buy the coffee, all my assets are in starbucks gift cards
I banged a guy named Robbie last night and in the middle of sex he begged me to scream santos. I'm pretty sure I just screwed a dude with multiple personalities.
Liquor has joined the party. Aly just fucking yelled "I LOVE COOKING" and poured margarita mixer, ice and tequila into the blender.
I've Ubered to the bar three times this weekend to get my car but every time I get there I end up drinking. Still no car.
Randomize
