apparently i tried to put my coat in the microwave.
i would totally change schools right now just to be that new girl everyone wants
i am officially better prepared for a hangover tomorrow than i was for christmas.
I'm going to buy you a pony but under one condition: you have to name it sarah jessika parker
I'm going to need your assistance. I cannot walk back to the house in a bear costume.
But is that really the name you want to scream out during climax?
Everytime Our professor said "penis fencing" in class today we took shots.
I think you should just bang him and get it out of your system.
That's what you say about everyone.
We are no longer allowed to have pre 4th party week. I woke up with a donut stuck to my face and 'MILF' written in black marker on my stomach.
Mother of the Year
I'm not allowed to have sex with him again. My vagina joined in on the protest. There was a petition. All my body parts signed it.
Who put the meatball sub on my door handle?
I'm about to eat a 2month old weed brownie I just found in my lax duffel bag. will you answer if I call you in like an hour and a half
Also I just had a pointless meeting and the only thing I accomplished were my kegals
I just Spray tanned myself while high as fuck its either going to look like a work of art or terrible graffiti
sad thing: we were only a shot away from an orgy. good thing: we all got laid.
Randomize
