If i come over, it means nothing
Ok im wearing a joe flacco jersey and full stick on unibrow and hardly anyone else dressed up omg
Omg suz!! take the unibrow off
No! im just getting hammered instead
so he went down on me and i thought i heard him say "you're smelly" to my vagina
i got awkward and finally asked him what he said
he actually said "you want some dick?" to my vagina. which is worse? either way he's talking to it
i walked into the first stall,, but there was no paper, so i'm in the other one. a little kid is in the one without paper now and is making a lot of noise. curious how this'll turn out for him.
I'm at McDonalds and when I walked up to the register the guy said "I'm so sorry." Before I said a word. That's how bad my hangover is.
Of course it's dangerous. Why else would they hire us after we failed the drug test?
its impossible for me to find something that fits my tits my muffin top and my ass all at the same time
My mom and I were trying to explain to my sister what an uncircumcised penis looks like. We had some minor disagreements.
We made the pizza boy do Jell-o shots with us. He didn't even deliver to our house, we just called him over from the neighbors
its really sad that i have to specifically make this a rule but, absolutely no lighting smoke bombs indoors at my birthday party.
Your beautifulness. Funnyness. Sexy hairness. Coolness. Plus you ask google how far wendys is from your house. Will you marry me
I got to masturbate in Rome in a gorgeous hotel room. Don't try and tell me I need a boyfriend
The 12 year old son winked and made eyes at me while his father fed me vodka gummy bears. Gameday yo
I helped you wax your vagina and you won't even get me Corn Nuts you fucking bitch?
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
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