She got kicked off the plane and spent the last four hours in a holding cell with the feds.
but she's really nice
Just saw two guys having a lawn mower race, and their girlfriends cheering them on. Get me out of Tehachapi,
JOSHUA! WE ARE SO BREAKING UP!
what?
YOU'RE DRUNK AGAIN, ARENT YOU?!
kinda considering buying a life alert for sophmore year
I don't know. I guess at the end of the day I wanted taco bell more than a boyfriend.
Totally get that.
I woke up in a place I've never been before, with people I've never met before using me as a table for domino's.
I put the condom across her upper lip. It was like a mustache of a job well done.
Can I steal her, take her home, and feed her only vodka?
Who was the person who brought the rooster when they won @ beer pong
Trying not to look at her chest is like trying to not hear a fire engine racing by.
Side note: the physics of a guy my size and age getting laid in the backseat of a Toyota Camry are absolutely staggering
You have talents. You got me laid two weekends in a row in two different cities.
She's blowing me while I'm watching air jaws. I love shark week.
In reference to the club we were headed to our cab driver told us about the time he had sex with a woman on the dance floor there. And what do you know, they're celebrating their 22 marriage anniversary together this year! True love does exist!
at one point, you reached into your purse, pulled out a tampon, and proceeded to rub it on your lips like chapstick... that drunk
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