ARI BLEW A 2.0 HAHAHAHAHAHHAHH THESE COPS ARE SO COOL!!!!
Raise your hand if you bought 2 annoying girls shots of water. CLOWNS.
watching a tv show about cocaine.. just explained to my mom why the test monkey chose coke over food
Mario Lopez is the poor mans Ryan Seacrest
Going abroad, it was like my vagina was in a candy store... a sweet sweet british candy store
She is a social worker. An actual good person trying to save the world. I feel like every time I give her an orgasm God wipes a little smudge off of my shit list.
Home. Hour long discussion with mom. Very frightened. Eating a sausage. Don't remember making it. Confused.
He told me he wanted to show me something beautiful, then just started peeing off the bridge into oncoming traffic
It's either my own vomit or popcorn butter in my ear right now. Banking on the second one.
We made popcorn last night. So it's both
You would be my first round pick for a drinking team
He can keep it, but if he asks for anything else i'm just going to start pissing on things.
Last night I somehow got INCREDIBLY wasted & thought it was a good idea to make a group chat with all the guys I'm hooking up with and just say "bye." soo I'm hiding out till next week.
I knew deleting his texts was a bad idea and I was right. I just used the last time we talked to help me figure out when I had my last period
I'm trying to watch Chicago PD and tell you I like your dick at the same time. It's a lot of work, ok?
His mom came while we were asleep naked and started asking me about my plans after high school... Is that even a thing.
Randomize
