when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
I swallowed and made him pancakes in the morning. I feel almost as desperate as Jennifer Aniston at this point.
I said I wanted my dignity back. He brought my thong to me after sharpie-ing "dignity" on the front. I'm not sure if I should me mad or impressed.
I got a hennah tattoo of my room number on my arm...I love spring break in Mexico!
she was licking his armpits.
asian porn is just fucking weird. End of story.
There is a different car in my driveway. Have no clue how I got home.
We fucked to techno music while he wore shin guards... best sex ever.
She's gone now. Left with the wind like a majestic leaf that just rides the invisible current to locations unknown. And dude, her friends were really hot.
Alright dude i'm gonna go to go sleep off this soberness. my life is a cosmic joke
That's where the buck stops? Buying girlfriends online? THAT is where you draw the line?!
I woke up at like 4 am with an old Korean woman cuddling me. I assure you she was not there when I went to sleep.
I may have unintentionally punched your cat twice but he's an asshole anyway.
can you tell me why i woke up in a diaper and combat boots?
Hey, sorry I choked you last night... I was just really excited to see you.
Randomize
