at this rate if someone im actually interested in likes me back im going to die of surprise before i even get to make out with them
It says i should accept HIV aids as my friend on facebook.We have 12 friends in common. I need new friends.
He googled "how long will i be drunk" and just started crying
OH GOD PAJAMAS ARE SUCH A HARD CONCEPT RIGHT NOW
What color suit is the proper "i banged the bride" attire?
I am so proud of him. After eating the rest of our shrooms, he finally registered to vote
Hypothetical Question: Would you take a cougar bullet for me?
...I can smell the alcohol on your breath through that text
May or may not have been going down the road shooting fireworks.
Let me tell you how my drug dealer wants me to take his girlfriends little sister to jr prom
I forgot I did whipits. Probably because my brain cells were killed from the whipits
In that case, if you come anywhere near my house you can expect to be chased down various streets by a half naked me wielding a baseball bat. No, I am not giving you my address.
Why so serious bruh
My doctor said I can only have one drink at a time, ever, from now on. My life has officially started its decline.
He told me to tell my ass that he loved and missed it, and even though he hasn't known it long, it might be the one for him
On another note, I almost lost one side of my fake butt. Dancing the wobble with the fake butt isn't recommend.
Randomize
