Its about making memories worth repressing
yo dibs on the gosselin haired one.
I think I should become a real estate agent in th friend zone I know the place so well
I am so getting Plan B when we get home. Not getting knocked up by a dude with a hair piece.
She agreed that we could have sex whenever I wanted and I could let someone else meet my mom.
is it STILL halloween? when did this turn into a week long holiday
Our dealer is pledging my frat. When he come to sell me weed I make him take out the garbage.
he turned down sex AND sandwiches. who the hell does that?!
I met a pornstar at his bachelor party and signed his shirt giving him wedding advice
you take my contact solution?
drank it last night then filled it with brandy for the plane ride.
I just heard your voicemail. Glad you like my dick and think I'm cool
Monday afternoon and I'm still hungover from Valentine's Day. I think I'm winning at the single life.
Sorry for drunkely attacking your best friend with a bow and arrow then loudly crying myself to sleep....PMS?
This week I fucked a police officer and called both the Senators from the state I'm in and the one I'm moving to. What have you done since the election?
Oh the best part of having sex with him was that he made me a smoothie after
Randomize
