She called me Spock and proceeded to ask me to 'teach her the ways of the force'. I just couldn't do it after that. No way am I fucking a girl who can't tell the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek.
it is 7:54 and i am surrounded by drunk old people. drunk enough that my grandmother and her friend just compared boobs. as in, shirts off, bras coming down. save me.
We could make it a date. Dinner and a show. The show being my nipples getting pierced.
She is still a psychotic unstable bitch, and is therefore PERFECT drinking game fodder
I have fireworks and redbull; let's make heart attack inducing magic happen.
Just had a talk about safe sex with my mom. Not about protection. About the very real possibility of a "penile fracture". Gotta love having a nurse for a mother.
I told you in the isle if you get the one that vibrates that I masturbating with it. Your fault.
Bullshit. You owe me a toothbrush.
Well I guess I'll go shower now and wash all the stripper off.
There are two guys dressed like Spartans from 300 at this bar and they're making out and I needed you to know this
it was one of those unspoken contracts of silence like "I teach your daughter and you work at a strip club"...I don't tell if you don't
Something must have happened, they started yelling truffle butter and you said we needed to leave NOW
That's not "anything", that's you deep throating a mozzarella stick.
Which president had the biggest dick?
Take your time, I'll wait
Nothing like casual arson to brighten your day
We have massive handle of kettle and a rack of hi life
That's the happiest ive ever been at 7:48 am....
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