Should I be offended if he asked if he could use saran wrap to eat me out?
just once id like to meet someone on craigslist who isnt fat
I woke up with fried rice in my sweatshirt pocket came downstairs and found all the chicken in the fridge gone. I'm THAT roommate aren't I?
He came to the party late, didn't bring tacos, and then asked what shennanigans we were getting into. I swear I will never fuck another hipster.
yeah people on the adjacent balcony, Im naked drinking outside in 0 degree weather at 1pm. got a problem?
Shits getting dirty between us in her dad's bedroom. I'm talking early millennium rap and r&b
I went through my entire iTunes library and made a playlist called "Feelings". I have 7.5 hours of feelings.
You told him about your cats? I told his friend to put his dick in my mouth, and you talked about cats!?
Someone put pennies in the toilet. This isn't a fucking wishing well
I do remember that in my dream I wasn't impressed with his dick.
Dude did you see that video of yourself crying while bathing in vodka on YouTube?
When we started the night I was in zebra wedges & she was in my black boots... I woke up wearing pink flip flops & the mirror on my rental is fuxked up. Wtf happened last night?
Woke up to find that I was cock blocked by no more than three people.
I can see. My condolences to your vagina.
Third time this week I've caught co workers dry humping. Quarantine really changes people's priorities.
Randomize
