dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
Hallmark should totally make "congratulations on getting your period" cards...I feel they would be quite popular.
he started yelling "squirt for me" then his girlfriend knocked on the door and told us to keep it down
i'm not really understanding how she couldn't figure out it was him
how do you have sooo much energy?
billy mays threw in a lil somethin extra when i ordered some oxiclean last week
It was worth having to clean the cum stains out of the carpet.
You know, there is no convenient place for your beer when you are on shrooms taking a shower.
You're mold. I may or maynot have puked blood this morning.
I'm gonna make a therapist very happy and very wealthy this semester.
I had such a pleasant walk of shame. The sun was shining, I smiled at all the high school suckers who judged me on their way to school, and I made friends with an old guy and his dog.
Other than my penis smelling like an ashtray, it went really well.
I hope to God it's not the new neighbors having sex, because what I'm hearing sounds like a mildly defective vuvuzela or a cow giving birth.
And also ice skating can blow me. Goodnight, love you!
I lost all interest the day she banged that guy in the Amazon parking lot. That's a special kinda whore.
sober me needs to have more faith in drunk me.
Hey, what's the French word for when you meet your boyfriend's friend and you have that gut feeling that you smoked pot naked in a hot tub with him at a house party years ago?
Randomize
