Whatcha textin bout Willis?
i feel like the prize bull at the rodeo. everybody got a ride, no one lasted more than 8 seconds and i'm pretty sure i kicked one of them in the ball sack
there should be a relationship option on facebook "stillllll in a relationship"
Just washed my feet between classes in the bathroom...Four girls totally judged me...
all of the sudden, the other guy at the bar who was celebrating his birthday got a super inspired look on his face and then screamed at me ''our parents fucked on the same day!''
I'm currently day drinking, studying and making corn. Don't tell me what I can't do.
i was so high i thought the horse on my poster was running
He managed to find a wheel chair and a super mario hat, now hes rolling around screaming "real life mario kart!"
You're the only person not starstruck by him
Yes. That tends to happen after you regularly lick someone's balls.
That broad from the bar put her name in my phone as "The girl I'm going to marry in 10 years".
Thanks for fingering me to orgasm during Wu-Tang Clan
She moaned the name on my fake id during sex, that or she's cheating on me with someone named Victor
I have the liquor shits and this time, it's personal.
I stole an accordion from the bar
Accidentally
I'm having ragrets about stealing the accordion
You lost to your mom AND grandma in beer pong last night. pretty sure that constitutes a retirement from the sport
Randomize
