People are allowed to visit it's just they can't be from Germany and have to wear masks.
I'm at breakfast still drunk holding a blow up parrot
it's like iHOP with fire
Have you seen my high heels that I wore out?
You mean the one that you threw at the parked cop car or the one in the microwave?
She was adopted and used to dance at Sapphire. just my speed.
I may have a concussion but the symptoms are the same as a hangover so I can't tell. Best 21st ever.
I am literally too baked to press the call button. How am I supposed to bone him?
He fucked me so hard I might have to go to the hospital for internal bleeding
Can I have him when you're done?
I'm just walking around Lowe's groping the carpets....
Hey will pizza rolls help if you accidentally get a diabetic chihuahua drunk?
I can't wait till we are old and wrinkly and I can turn to you and ask, "Remember when you Rick Jamesed the shit out of that couch??"
who knew magic tricks and sex would actually go together?
Who else will cuddle and watch the Bachelor with me then finger bang me during the rose ceremony
This weekend I turned down sex to watch the Star Wars marathon... Is this growing up?
You don't need yoga. You need a boyfriend! Trust me I've become all sorts of flexible this past year.
Randomize
