you probably should not have drank the wine that everyone spits out. and the sad part, that was not even your low point last night
When i woke up this morning she asked me 'when did you first find out that you could see the future.' I gotta stop drinking.
My dinner was lean cuisine and tequila. Aaaaaand I need a boyfriend.
Definitely almost got hit in the face with a baby
I'm not sure if doing him was such a good idea. Yes the sex was good, but I'm scared I set myself up for failure in 2011 because he's the hottest guy. Ever.
Our sex bag has now been upgraded to sex luggage, with wheels, and now features a first aid kit. Game. On.
Its a good night to get drunk in my onesie.
When a chinchilla decides to sit on your face while you're getting head from its owner, you bond.
Can we put this graduation on the shelf figuratively and go drink
After everything you did, you followed it with "Oh God, that's something a high person would do. But I'm not high." So yeah, you're not getting near my stash again.
He tried to puke in the 14th hole and when I told him to stop he started chanting "hole in one hole in one"
we talked about the guy being eaten by the anaconda.. Then I proceeded to blow him
All I'm saying is that if he knows his wife walks around naked during the day, he shouldn't bring a friend home for lunch and show up unannounced.
Irony: drinking your pre workout supplement out of the cup your Krispy Kreme doughnut holes came in.
Remember that time we were together? Yeah, I don't miss that.
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