Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
We're gonna have to suck it up and start making out for free drinks. No homo. I'm watching Tyra "I kissed a girl and I got free drinks."
Let's do it. All homo
I wish there was a morning after pill that made you instantly sober
eating kraft dinner with my face. no forks.
Just did my hair and make up at mcdonalds so we're in the same boat.
what's an appropriate "I'm fucking your grandson but I'm trying to hide it" outfit?
Stumbled into class and into a desk. When I fell my bottle broke in my backpack. I had to leave there was vodka everywhere.
It says a lot about how well I know you when I can understand messages of yours that say things like "sauteed Jesus."
Please. Last time I saw him I awkwardly pulled his rat tail until it got too weird
A homeless man just asked me if I had seen any "nekkid chicks with heineken bottles run by"
Berkeley was the right choice
WHEN DID YOU SAY YOU COME BACK BC I GOT INVITED TO A KEG WAR PARTY
We were apparently using marine hand signals to communicate to one another where to meet up in the house to hook up.
Didn't even know I knew marine hand signals.
Paige is home safe.
Actually, she's here now, punching me in the face. You should've kept her keys.
we had sex while we waited for the thai food... a which will come first type of situation
I’d clean the kitchen before making food. Mark “rang in the New Year” with some rando in there last night
Randomize