I bought a nasal spray, my nose needs to be in order by the weekend
I just slapped my cat in the face with my dildo. You were the only one I could tell.
He probs deserved it.
Every good man does.
Mowing drunk should be an olympic sport...
I mean I woke up wearing my bathing suit which blows my mind
The difference between what I would do for a regular Klondike bar and an Oreo flavored Klondike bar is astounding
it's official, i know exactly what cross streets we're at by the bumps when i give him road head
He sent me an email apologizing for sleeping with her...and by that I mean he sent a picture of his dick to my school e-mail
No our divorce decree will not have a blow job clause. Unless my alimony is greatly increased your bj's have been reduced to fantasy status.....
ARE YOU GOING TO SACRIFICE YOUR LIFE FOR MCDONALDS HASHRBOWNS
How is it that you get into at least one taco related fight a year?
My liver hurts and I just woke up from my first sleep in two days
Sounds like the perfect vacation
I mean honestly, I love naps like Anthony Weiner loves sending dick pics
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
100000% expect a picture of my ass in them
Randomize
