i think the sales of Rosetta Stone are directly related to the size of that woman's tit's
I feel bad for the person that has to clean the dishes that I peed on last night.
I was told to ask you about memoirs of a geisha.
i think i left a case of beer in your dryer
So howd u manage to get high at a one year olds birthday anyway?
He's the kind of drunk guy that would pee in your mouth while you give him head.
All I saw was a purple blob and poking out from under was part of a green shirt. Took me a minute to realize it was him under that beast.Thought I should ask if he was actually breathing and conscience but then I saw him slowly exploring what few brave men have done before.
dude when I get home wanna help me fulfill my dream of smoking a bowl out of my saxophone?
I called my mom while I was blackout drunk, and told her I was drunk, safe, and happy. But really, I was just drunk.
I wish drunk me came with subtitles
We are gonna have a bake sale and the preceded will go towards the abortion
The oven caught fire. I put it out, but called the fire department just to make sure it was okay since the smoke wasn't going away
You just wanted to meet firemen
just realized we fucked to the ultimate disney playlist last night. hakuna matata.
Is 10AM too early for pizza and Dr. Pepper?
Only if 5PM is too early to be drunk. And when has that ever stopped us?
I mean, it's good for a lot of things. Just not the inside of your vagina
Well neither is bbq sauce but I dont judge kinks
Randomize