So I feel really bad about last night...can i give you a blow job and we call it even?
The hardest part of getting a new computer is deliberating whether to start the cycle of porn and viruses all over again.
So for Valentine's Day...I finally swallowed. I feel like I earned that steak.
I think Memorial Day also marks the beginning of "Bikini Profile Picture" season.
The guy in the next stall screamed courtesy flush and then puked. Bless you Vegas
THERE WAS A HANDPRINT OF BLOOD ON HIS SHOULDER
Every time I there's a break up, I'm left with an animal. That's it. No more mutual pets.
I'm currently braless eating the balls of the penis cake and drinking warm champagne. I'm 3 cats away from crazy at this point
Unless you've also woken up wearing a poncho and a ring pop, I suggest you don't judge me. Okay, I even judged myself for that.
I just try to date guys based on what I need like I am trying to find an electrician now
You gays are geniuses
either I'm really high or that last bong rip tasted like christmas
I woke up with a bagel in my mouth, still ate it. Free breakfast
It's not even 11, i dropped a shot glass, nick is bleeding, and everyone is drunk
I found a new button on my vibrator, tonight was a success
why the hell did we go to a rave last night?
we didn't?
definitely went to a bar with strobe lights
JENNIFER. You passed out in a toilet with a color changing light in it.
Randomize
