Dude i fell asleep inside of her
thats awesome
Fuck, operation next sex victim is on as soon as i get back. Do not sleep with that red head, nobody likes accidental ginger babies.
I can mark tailgating, going to the game and getting road head off my to do list today
giving yourself 2 days to recover i see
I'll need it. Largely because i'm going to be stumbling through fancy restaurants with a bottle of whiskey insulting couples all night.
i think you ate grass..but you refused to open your mouth so we could see..
I walked in on you eating olive oil off of a plate. you gave me this look and I just started crying. we were that drunk.
My lips are red and swollen. Solid proof that giving head is a viable alternative to lipstick and plumper.
Think I pulled my pelvic muscle.
I think I pulled my ashamed of myself muscle.
So who won the naked front yard Olympics last night?
Well my tits are spray painted gold & i have what i think r the Olympic rings shaved in my vag !!!!!!!SO its safe to say i won something ....
Jusy read on a science page that squeezing boobs can prevent cancer cells from forming in them, youre welcome.
It looks like I jerked off a rainbow.
Do you remember the guy that smelled like hot dogs?
Doing the walk of shame from the back of a Jeep to the porta potty it's parked next to while your dad watches is not what you want.
I often worry that if I get famous, people from my past will recognize me and start talking to the media
Somehow my life has turned in to drug deals at the bar, and illegally camping on a mountain because I have no where else to live.
Randomize
