best thing about halloween? there are pumpkins to puke in EVERYWHERE!
He's been grabbing my ass as a greeting since 2004, sex was overdue
Somewhere during foreplay he said something about me only being with two other guys... I just went with it cause we have never had that conversation...
She wants to practice her harmonica skills on my penis
One of my friends took me out last night for a bday celebration and I just now remembered that a man blew fire balls across the bar in honor of my birthday... How drunk do you have to be to forget that?
OMG OMG OMG DID YOU KNOW THERE ARE MINI CHOCOLATE COWBOY HATS THAT MEN CAN BUY FOR THEIR PENISES?
I made a side by side comparison of her Facebook pic and the chick on the anti meth billboards. Plus a ven diagram showing mostly shared physical attributes. I sent u the PowerPoint. You were sufficiently warned.
The lady at walmart just said she is so happy im still alive....Was i that drunk on the 4th? Dont answer that
I just woke up in my locked bathroom. It's 5 PM. What happened?
Being the hot sister definately has advantages, I'm pretty sure I ruined her engagement
Random pof guy just messaged me initiating a Pokemon battle. Want to be a bridesmaid?
My penis has like 3 people bidding on it
Oh dear. Sending much love.
Just send a machete.
Mixing Powerade and white wine has been one of my better ideas.
This sucks! All of the twenty something dick I was getting went home when the university closed
Randomize
