It doesn't matter if they shave you or not, you're still susceptible to the staph infection.
I just threw up and a whole piece of spaghetti came out of my nose. I don't even remember eating spaghetti.
they lined up to high five me when i got taken out by the stretcher. The paramedic high fived them too
Like if there was an award for best way to take a girls virginity, he would get a standing ovation. And first prize. Probably a bunch of roses too. That good.
Can we do a version of last night where I actually remember shit?
Me and the guy at the liquor store are on a first name basis, college is all about networking.
he told me while inside me and mid thrust that he's dreamed of that moment since high school... awkward
you said you would race him to taco bell but you slipped in the parking lot and just laid there, crying
Your stoned with a 2 year old in the room....and that makes you want to have babies?!
Why were my jeans in the freezer of the mini fridge, and how long have they been in there? On another note, I found my teacher's ID badge.
So, my ex just showed me the drunk voicemail we left him last night. Started out with me saying "I think it's Shane." Then you took my phone and started singing a song about peanut butter, train tracks, and tequila. I joined in. On the upside, he said he's totally fine with being on the drunk dial list from now on. Soooo, another tequila night??
There's no way I'm ready for marriage. I have too many pics of other guys' junk on my phone for an eternal commitment right now.
That shit was hard as fuck. It felt like a mountain entering my vagina.
someday i'll meet a man and who loves me as much as i love getting drunk and starting fires
Question: have you ever spent your Tuesday evening helping your one-night-stand create a resume? Because I have...
Randomize
