i'm watching a show about a girl who died from masterbating with a carrot. A FUCKING CARROT, EMILY! YOU NEED TO BE CAREFUL!
I wish they had a smiley of two girls making out
If we don't get kicked out of this hotel tonight for fucking too loud we're breaking up
Slept on the counter again. Mom covered me in an apron.
I think the best part was when you jumped over me naked.
He made me this shot called the allergen. It was a shot of vodka with a Claritin dropped in it.
I sat down next to him and my bra just unhooked itself
I ate you ate to the whole david gray album
We need to talk about the sailor moon porn. Do what you want in your room, but I don't want to come home to you cranking it on the couch to that.
I HAVE A GENTLEMANLY VAGINA.
how do you casually eat pancakes with someone after they send you an unsolicited dick pic?
you don't. it's the point of no return for pancake enjoyment.
That was awkward , having sex with her while her husband watched via Skype. I'm a porn star or a target. Idk
My doctor actually said I was suffering from an "acute hangover" in doctor's note I asked him for....what a douche
Executive decision.... we are cuddling naked
Mike's letting gay guys do body shots off him again.
My boyfriend, ladies and gentlemen.
Randomize
