i hate having sex with him only a few drinks in. i like it better when i cant remember the gory details.
we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
I woke up this morning and the first thing i saw was the harry potter tattoo on his left butt cheek.
My itunes is telling me i listened to toxic by b spears 108 times last night
So, remember how that one doctor said it was 1 in a million that I'd get pregnant...
Yeeah thank god
Well..welcome to parenting Mr. one in a million.
I'm all about sex. But even I know there will be a time to retire my junk. And that will be my 40th birthday, or whenever I'm hideous
My hair is crimped, I am walking with a roadie, and my vibrator is in my purse. I feel sorry for tomorrow.
I just rolled over in bed and felt a bump. Turns out it was a lil nug. Talk about being princess and the weed.
She just rubbed her face up and down my six pack cooing. Equal measure of weird and hot.
$150 and 3 orgasms. Dogsitting is awesome.
That moment when you're in a room with 3 guys and know how big their dicks are. Then you are married to the one with the smallest dick.
Got my client divorced finally. He was even awarded the cat ashes. Yep I went to law school for this.
Woke up with a $100 bill from the Philippines in my bra & an unopened box of sour patch kids next to me. I have some questions.
Between falling off a shelf on to a concrete floor and sex with you - i may never walk again.
I once went to target high on hydrocodone. I assure you, they can handle unrespectable.
Randomize
