So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
Pretty sure I only gave out my other # though. You know, 777 777-7777
Hahaha. So was it a Freudian slip, or wishful thinking? ;)
Could be either seeing as you're in my phone as "3rd bar" and I couldn't pick you outta a line up.
I really like him. That's why I'm having sex with someone else, so he doesnt think i'm a slut.
I just puked in the walgreens aisle buying gatorade and advil for my hangover... i guess i failed
Wait, how do girls masturbate?
I dunno we use shower heads I guess.
..how does it fit?
There is nothing like getting stoned and spying on people with binoculars
Which is worse rug burn on your nipples or laying there after wondering how long you have to cuddle before you can sneak away?
He wore my sunglasses on his honeymoon..... so there's that.
Come on kid, foreplay is elementary stuff. It's a vagina, not a sphinx.
She kissed me, then said "mmm your face tastes like it needs my pussy on it."
I smoked all his weed and he hasn't noticed yet. But I might need a place to crash when he does
Well if I can't snuggle you, I might as well snuggle a stranger's cat.
All I want is some guy to eat me out while I work on grad school things then go on his way
Remember that time I came to London for 4 hours, got hammered, cried for an hour and then left.
just played fuck the dealer and thunderstruck with my physics ta. he is the third ta that i have drank with this semester, i think i'm getting good at college
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