I love how girls just decide that guys who don't like them must be gay
I do the same thing. If a girl doesn't like me...I am like, "i must be gay"
I should have known there'd be issues when he included "beautiful soul" in our playlist
Hemmingway ran to paris to avoid going to the university of illinois and becoming a doctor. It was there he developed a drinking problem. I need a plane ticket.
she's got that wholesome 16 and pregnant look.
come over i need a lifeguard for my shower
well isn't that the pot calling the kettle a make out whore
the size of his penis is telling me NOOO! but his bank account is telling me YESSS!
I don't remember much, but my night is dated pre-Jaeger and post-Jaeger. Also, my boss may or may not have tucked me in.
I just stole a conducting baton from the chicago symphony orchestra... i have to stop drinking on weeknights
1 tequila 2 tequila 3 tequila, floor.
*roof
I'm so high that hamburger just went up my nose. Mustard BURNS
A unicorn in pinstripe pants just got on the J at Dolores stop. It can only be a good night
Sometimes at I wake up from a dead sleep at 1am and call the bar just to hear the clink of the glasses and the pouring of the beer on tap in the backround
I had to say goodbye to one of my fuck buddies last night. He's voting for Trump, we shouldn't be doing it anyways.
I wanna suck that fisherman's dick.
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