I guess she didn't feel like it. There was hair all over it and everything
some guy just walked up to the bench i was on, backflipped off of it, gave me his number and walked away....i love this city
He said I taste like butterscotch, licked me, then I'm pretty sure he wet his pants. So no, I do not want to invite him over.
I mean this holiday was built on cheap beer, shitty whisky, and processed meat... and I fully plan to honor that
The walk of shame out of a freshman dorm isn't so bad when you're 25, nobody questions you because they think youre gonna bust them for having weed
We haven't even scratched the surface on the damage we could do. Just saying
I cunt my lip shaving. That's not a typo, it's a placement clue
I just made kick ass drunk stir fry while taking care of three other drunk people and doing shots. I don't understand how that's not wife material
He was only in jail for 4 hours before he was someone's prison wife
Seriously. All I want right now is a 40 with a nipple on it, and a nap
Caprisun cuts tequila surprisingly well...
I was really hoping my 420 would involve a lot more weed and a lot less buttholes
I NEED HELP. IM TRIPPIN BAWLS IN THE BACK OF MY MOMS CAR.
Even after hearing me fuck his friend twice in one night, he still follows me around like a puppy.
Is it still sex if there's no nudity, no orgasms, but the neighbors bang on the wall and ask you to stop? I've honestly forgotten.
Randomize
