come outside for a special surprise it involves huge boobs
me and ur bf were arguing about whether coke was vegan. i really hope it's vegan
My favorite part was when he stopped, looked up in the middle of performing oral sex and asked, "you did know it was Arbor Day, right?"
He passed out. Woke up long enough to declare himself "the sauce boss" and then bit me in the face.
I obviously couldn't but this on your fbook wall. I would get judge. I would willingly get tbagged by him. You can quote me on that.
You crawled everywhere and rolled in ice cream. No more vodka for a month.
This is why i like single justin better. my only regret is not being present for more of his short life. may he rest in peace
Just stop talking to douche bags. How do you manage to attract every asshole within a 100 mile radius?
If i could answer that i wouldn't be so afraid to move to a more populated area
Almost there.
define "almost". like I have enough time to watch a youtube video or oh shit, put on some goddamn pants because they're in the driveway.
She legitimately thought I was hiding in the fridge, then she checked the second one to be sure
Random one night stand with a guy that had a USA tattoo on his ass. Can't possibly get more American than that
I just had to close my blinds so my neighbors wouldn't see me drinking a beer at 9 am. GO CHIEFS!
I just wanna get drunk and go sledding in my kayak
omg how embarrassing to not hear the delivery person knocking because you're singing "where are you Pizza" to the tune of "where are you christmas" too loudly
FACT: You were laying down on top the bar letting randoms do bodyshots off you until someone told theyre friend "its time to roll, i wanna hit another bar" and you literally rolled your self right off the bar. have fun explaining your bruises tomorrow
Randomize
