I wish I had a dollar for every time I've slept off a late night I dont want to remember in my recliner.
Wearing the BK Crown on the throne while dropping the kids off at the pool? Yes, one of my life's goals. Win
normally i wouldnt have blown him but he was on dawsons creek.. i love dawsons creek.
There's still flour in my hair. And I don't even want to know what the neighbors think happened infront of my house.
Sometime between a drunk guy asking me if I'm a Beach person or a lake person WHILE HIS HAND WAS IN HIS FUCKING PANTS or breaking up a lady fight over peewee football league I started to reevaluate my life and self
Finally hooked up w/ that yoga instructor chick. Got a little more than I expected. Like a full on bush more than I expected. How do you tell a girl that her bush scares you?
I wish my brain had a "congrats you just defeated the munchies" notification!
VOOOODKA VOOODKA WE PLEDGE OUR LOVE TO THEEEE VODKAAAA VODKAAAA SAVIOR OF LIBERTYYYY
well. can officially check "get caught having sex on the front porch by the neighbors" off the bucket list.
no we have a special triathlon I'm entering us in. drinking, fucking, and sleeping. I think we have a good shot.
Between having seen you naked and interpreting your values based on the occasional political FB post, you're no stranger for sure.
Well it might’ve been because you asked to play What Makes You Beautiful at the club
Pretty penis doesn't make up for awkward eye contact.
but like who hasn’t gotten fingered at the state fair?
you tried to fight the cop who was busting the party, you said you had a constitutional right to do a keg stand...
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