Mom and Dad are dead. Trust fund
so i just calculated it and i would need to score 150% on this final to pass
i wish i could shrink down to the size of his dick so i could just thank it in person.
this islike a room full of reasons why i should be in prison
I'm already mentally preparing myself for the fact that I'll probably be sleeping next to a toilet.
just 'accidentally' changed my relationship status to 'in an open relationship' just to see what offers I might get if I were to dump him. it's not looking good
What I love about college? The kid tripping balls has a kayak made readily available to him on any given Wednesday, Saturday, or Sunday.
He wants me to have his first child. So that makes four gay men that've called dibs on my eggs.
You know you're sufficiently drunk when the 411 dude just says, "Fuck it! I'll Google that shit for you, what movie do you want to see?" and proceeds to give you showtimes for 3 different theatres.
I just swallowed some ecstasy stuck in my nose from last night. Work should be interesting.
I'm going to pretend you don't watch My Little Pony and focus on your large cock. Kay? Don't bring it up again.
She told me she loved my new hairstyle. I told her its called head head.
I shaved my entire vagina for a man who had the personality of a potato and a C- orgasm. Life is a series of disappointments.
FACT: You were laying down on top the bar letting randoms do bodyshots off you until someone told theyre friend "its time to roll, i wanna hit another bar" and you literally rolled your self right off the bar. have fun explaining your bruises tomorrow
Apparently last night I was doing back bends for the guy making my easy mac because clearly it wasn't easy enough for me.
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